Safe Hands

I am sensing dad does not approve of my online love affair with Miss Simone Loving. Following the shock announcement of his enagement to Mrs Maithwaite at the weekend (yes its true the old codger is finally tying the knot, twenty three years since mum made off with a cardboard cut out of Sylvester Stallone - not strictly true it was actually a cardboard standee to promote the video release of Stallone's celluloid classic 'Cobra' - mum was never to be seen by us again, although she was spotted at a Video Trade Show with Arthur Parker from Videorama lugging a black bin sack full of deleted Betamax tapes, whilst Arthur schmoozed with some video bigwigs. Mum always did fancy the limelight. I expect she's out there now, working the car boots trying to flog the last of Arthur's crumby back catalogue of under the shelf material)....anyway following the announcement of dad's imminent wedding he has deemed my amorous online affair with Miss Loving null and void. He says I can't bring my laptop to the ceremony so has took it upon himself to sign me up for a French language course with his best pal's hulking great meathead of a son, Shaun. Shaun can barely speak English, never mind master the subtlties of the French language. Dad maintains I am in safe hands and I will be more likely to meet a lovely lady studying French than I will sat at home, munching on crackerbread whilst emailing Miss Loving. Somehow this strange concept of dad's may just work!