Indoor Pyrotechnics

I spent last Guy Fawkes night with Ray at Portland Hospital Radio. We spent the evening on air and unable to leave the studio during Requests Hour we created our own display of indoor pyrotechnics. I brought indoor sparklers and Ray fetched a selection of indoor fireworks. Unfortunately half of them smouldered like foul smelling jos sticks and the other half failed to work. The 'Traffic Light Fountain' was the most impressive, a four inch cone which when lit turned from red, to amber and finally - you guessed it! - green, before it disolved into something that resembled cat pooh. It all turned truly awful when Ray pulled out a packet of fun snaps, little white wrappers which when thrown make a 'snap' sound. Ray tested one, no snap. He tested another and another, still no sound. Just as I was about to go back on air the reality hit me, they weren't fun snaps. Ray had been hurling stink bombs about the studio! It smelt like the bowels of hell, even a can of cheap deodrant sprayed liberally about the studio could offer no reprieve. I felt nauseous but Ray just ran out laughing. I am hoping this year will be different.