The works do

Holed up at home with a box of cut-price chocolate seashells and the radio for company. When I contacted work this morning my team leader was not best pleased, apparently everyone else made it to their desks despite the adverse weather. Well they would do wouldn't they? With their heavy sole boots and baggy hand knit sweaters. They dress for the arctic during a light wind or shower, so course they're going to stamp through the snow.
I am thankful for the snowfall though, I dreaded going to work today after Friday's works do. The food itself was relatively edible, as it was a veggie restaurant there was none of the reconstituted turkey nonsense. I had a nut roast with roast veg and traditional stuffing. Though I'm not sure where the 'traditional' bit comes from as it could have doubled as cavity wall insulation. The house white could have quite easily passed as vinegar, although many were on red wine and lager. After an hour of polite chat from the team and banter from the support workers the alcohol began to kick in and tongues loosened. As I was just a pint of light ale in I was able to enjoy the full spectacle of drunken colleagues without making a complete twit of myself. That was until two of the lads from head office came back to the table with shots of a pale green liquid which tasted not too dissimilar to cough medicine. Then it was 'Secret Santa' gifting. The edible underwear I gave to Helen, the new secretary from upstairs caused a real sensation. Everyone was in stitches, even the more 'right on' members of the team had a chuckle. Helen, who was already one bottle of wine in, kept giving me the eye for the rest of the night. It must have earned me some kudos as everyone was keen for me to carry on drinking with them post meal in a late night bar. That was when it happened, I'm not sure how but Helen was perched on a bar stool, I had just bought her a sweet white wine when she lurched forward. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned in only for her to vomit all over my chin and chest, narrowly missing my mouth. The crowd around the bar parted and I am sure the music stopped. For thirty seconds everything fell silent, until she fell off the stool and wretched again. My colleagues ran forward to help her to the toilet. I was left stunned and stinking of sick. I never want to see that woman again.