Heathen

Returned to the doctor on Monday to collect my 'Fit Note'. He outlined that I am fit to do all administrative tasks except for heavy lifting or strenuous manual work. So with that I've taken this week as leave and will be back to the grindstone on Monday. My team leader suggested I drop by the office today to have an 'informal discussion' about working practices. Wanting to maintain an air of calm I bobbed along to my over fifties stretch and yoga class beforehand. Arriving early I was greeted by the only other chap in the group, an odd sort called Piers who purports to be posh but is simply a heathen. Last week he broke wind during an exercise involving a belt and a leg stretching exercise and started to laugh inappropriately. A lovely lady by the name of Magda was trying to engage me in a conversation about gluten free cooking, when he chipped in with a very strange aside. He started going on about a chap he knew who was on a gluten free diet after being diagnosed with a bowel disorder. Some months later he was rushed into hospital to have a cyst removed. The operation was pretty straight forward but had a rather unsavory outcome, the cyst was large and globular and actually had hair, nails and teeth. Piers said that his friend knew Piers would not believe him so presented it to him in a sealed plastic cup. As he recalled the story he began scrabbling around in his ancient sports holdall, saying that he always kept it on him as proof. Upon hearing this Magda's jaw dropped, I felt myself wretch and Piers began guffawing uncontrollably until Miss Zen our yoga teacher arrived to halt the bizarre proceedings. Thankfully Piers gruesome treasure was not revealed but it was then I had a mini epiphany. I wondered if I had been such hard work for Louise since I'd been languishing at home, with my own brand of insane cabin-fever humour. After half an hour of downward dogging I decided that yes I had been a handful at home and resolved to make amends with Louise and with my team leader during our afternoon chat.