Sales

My Ex is re-marrying. I should be happy, she'll be out of my life forever but I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth. Doesn't help thats she is getting wed to an old mate of mine. On a lighter note I went sale shopping with Meryl today. Thankfully with her help I refrained from making the same ill advised sale purchases that I seem to make every year. Badly fitting trousers that are usually too short in the leg but I can't help but buy as they're a snip at ten pounds. Then I spend the rest of the year trying to match my socks to my trousers to give the illusion of a proper fit. Or I wear wellies. Nope no trousers were purchased this year. I got an opportunity to browse my favourite local camping shop as Meryl went for a make-over in a posh chemist. I am quite perplexed as to why the ladies who work behind the make up counters wear lab coats. I asked one if she was scientifically trained and she told me to stop being cheeky. So I left Meryl to it. She came to find me twenty minutes later looking like she'd taken a tumble with Barbara Cartland's make up bag. I tried to stifle my laughter with a pair of thick woollen walking socks but it was no use. Luckily meryl saw the funny side too but said she liked the look and kept it on all day. maybe she doesn't want me to kiss her after all?

Lazy day

Christmas Day passed by without note. Meryl was spending the day with her mother and my daughter was at her boyfriend's. I spent most of the day sunk in the sofa avoiding Ray's drunken phone calls occasionally waking from my sherry induced coma to injest more chocolate before falling back asleep. My daughter brought me round for the Queen's Speech with a plated Christmas dinner, a well received gift from her boyfriend's family. I thanked her, ate it and duly fell back asleep. Bliss.

Lap Tray

I met Meryl on Christmas Eve and we got rather tipsy in a secluded corner of a pub close to where I work. Things were becoming rather intimate, well she had her hand resting on my knee, and before I could take it any further some old fella recognised her from the 'Comfy Wear' catalogue and our romantic interlude was interrupted with chat about foot warmers and lap trays. We were about to re-engage, and I was hoping for our first kiss, when another chap of advancing years butted in with a request for a rain hat for his wife. I handed him my old black hat and we made off into the night. Life has become a little less private since I started dating a model. I can't wait to tell the Team when I go back to work!

Back on the Sauce

Something tells me my good friend Ray is back on the sauce after a fourteen month stint sober. Did he show up at 3am last night dressed for summer and stinking of whiskey? No. Did he come round to the flat, let himself in and preceed to wreck the place? No, not yet. Has his behaviour become somewhat strange and a little erratic? Well, I can see the beginnings. I received two frantic calls at work on Monday, both times from his mobile and both cutting out before he got to the crux of his problem. He sounded worried and fraught so I did what any friend would do and went to his hostel to check up on him. A fellow resident said Ray hadn't been seen for a week and the management were considering serving a notice on him, i.e. asking him to leave. I spent all evening worrying about him, only for him to call back just after newsnight to inform me he was okay but just stranded in Blackpool. My daughter's boyfriend kindly went out to pick Ray up and took him home. This morning we received an early Christmas gift on our doorstep, wrapped in festive paper were three self help books, all two months late back to the library. Thanks Ray!

Contentment

I once read that true contentment can only be achieved when one has somewhere to live, enough food to eat and someone to love. 'Well two out of three isn't bad', I thought this morning as I munched on a bowl full of muesli by the radiator. My Ex told me the last time she felt truly contented was when she commisioned the twisted sister of stitch, Mrs Nesbitt, to sew sardines into the hem of my all weather anorak. Thankfully those dark days are over and I have a new light in my life. Meryl. I wouldn't say it was love yet but I am working on it and she seems rather keen. She called me three times yesterday. Life is looking up.

Success

My lunch date with Meryl was thoroughly entertaining. She was already seated by the window of the cafe when I arrived and welcomed me in with a large smile and a hug. A lovely warm woman, she spent the whole two hours we were together regaling me with tales from her career as a model. As it turns out she spent much of it modelling clothing in Sunday newspaper supplements. And before you suggest, no she wasn't half naked, she showed me some rather entertaining photos of her sporting stretchy trousers and comfy shoes. The best modelling shot was of her reclining in a false living room set up whilst clad in a blanket with sleeves. It seems she found her niche in the 'comfort market' and she was quite happy with that. She was keen to hear about my hobbies and interests and even suggested joining me for a show on hospital radio. Everything was so easy, it flowed without any effort and she complemented me on my choice of casual wear. We have agreed to meet again, it's as friends I'm sure, although I wouldn't say 'no' to something more.

Glaring Error

Spent a majority of the day synching up the team's computer calenders for next year when eager beaver volunteer Mandy pointed out a glaring error. I'd spent three hours working on calenders for 2010. I am positive she is hankering after my job, every step I take she is behind me suggesting more efficient ways of doing things and highlighting my mistakes. She may as well come into work with a six foot post it note with the words 'Sack him' written on it and stick it to my back. My team leader thinks I'm just being sensitive, she told me to relax and that there is space for everyone in the office. I hope she's right!

The morning before Meryl

After a slippy start to the morning I trudged my way into work, skating across the pavements and sludging through the snow. Had I not had a lunch-date I'd have swapped my smart attire for waterproof pants and wellies. There was no need for thick soled footwear as the thought of lunch with Meryl the model kept me upright for the rest of the morning. Not even the frantic demands of the team could keep the spring from my step as I floated from one administrative task to another. I felt as light as a feather, nothing weighing me down, as I took a tea break I mused on the giddy feeling in my belly and thought 'this is what love must feel like'. It was so bizarre, falling for a woman I had not yet met. As the clock struck twelve I swept out of the door in a cloud of cologne. I wanted to make an entrance, to be the best that I could be. I had a positive feeling about this one.