hallucinogenic elephant

What is it with women and fashion? One week they're wearing skirts up to their belly buttons, the next they're sporting long swishy numbers to hide their cankles. When I was married to 'she of the acid tongue' I was regularly forced to compliment an array of bizarre outfits that wouldn't have looked out of place in Angie Watts wardrobe. She had a penchant for garish colours and taffeta, and often combined the two in a double onslaught of fashion homicide. She thought jumpsuits in shocking pink were flattering, though she looked more like a hallucinogenic elephant. And her hair was a nest of bleach blonde highlights, glued together with Elnett. Every morning I would smile meekly as she paraded around in her latest ensemble. I was too scared to tell her the truth, in case she turned nasty and 'accidently' threw out my favourite book or hid the biscuits.